"It was only a matter of willing to believe in a power greater than myself. Nothing more was required for me to make my beginning."- Bill's Story, chapter 2.
My membership in the Church really strengthens my recovery. My Higher Power is God the Eternal Father and His son Jesus Christ. I could not make it without God. I am fairly new in recovery and I have to go hour by hour sometimes in order to stay clean. God grants me the power to keep going and He keeps temptation at bay. Activity in the Church is important to me. Not only because I want my children to go to church or show my wife that I am willing to stay active but because my salvation is on the line. That is a big motivator for me. However, you don't have to want to come back to church or have a desire to be active again if you want to get clean and sober. All we have to do is come to believe that God can and will restore us to sanity if we will seek Him. We all know the picture of Christ knocking at a door that has no handle on the outside. That is the basic concept of AA. God will help, if we will seek him.
During the height of my addiction I was taking a lot pills. I am only alive because of the grace of God, for no other reason. My liver should be destroyed. I got more and more pills in all kinds of illegal ways and I would pray to God everyday to help me not get caught. This was basically how my prayers went "Heavenly Father, please help me not to get caught today. If I won't get caught, then I will stop using on my own." I actually asked God to help me not get caught. I am so grateful that God answers prayers by saying 'No." God said no to my prayer because He knows what is best for me. Now when I pray I ask that I may know God's will for my life and that I will have the courage to follow it. Its so simple. We don't need to ask God for every little thing that we desire. Just ask that we can have the wisdom to accept His will. I don't always agree with God's will and I'm not always happy with the outcome. But, I know there is a greater purpose.
Christ taught: "And if thou shouldst be cast into the pit, or into the hands of murderers, and the sentence of death passed upon thee; if thou be cast into the deep; if the billowing surge conspire against thee; if fierce winds become thine enemy; if the heavens gather blackness, and all the elements combine to hedge up the way; and above all, if the very jaws of hell shall gape open the mouth wide after thee, know thou, my son, that all these things shall give thee experience, and shall be for thy good. The Son of Man hath descended below them all. Art thou greater than he?"
Doctrine and Covenants 122:7-8
We have made a lot of mistakes and sin in our addiction. We have burned many bridges and isolated those closest to us. But, we can take wisdom from our mistakes. Mistakes are only worth something if we learn from them. Otherwise, in our disease, if we make a mistake- we can die. The N.A. basic text teaches that there are three outcomes for the using addict: Jails, Institutions, or Death. Of course, there is the preferable outcome of recovery. Recovery is NOT just stopping using or drinking. In AA we call someone who has quit using or drinking but is not working a 12-step program a "Dry Drunk," rather than a recovering alcoholic or addict. We can't just discontinue our drug use. We need to work the 12 steps.
I know that I can recover if I work my program. Thanks for reading. I know that I will be clean today, and I'm pretty sure I will tomorrow too. I've been clean now 46 days, one day at a time.
Bernie R.
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